But the Tales Came Back, the Very Next Year

So, it has been a year to the day of hiatus for The Tales. This has been a long enough span for one to have a garnered a sense of their lack, with the conclusion that one shall once again be regaling you with regular Cautionary Tales.

Now, to catch everyone up, here are the high mid and lowlights of the missing year, in more or less chronological order:

• One's place of prominence in the nuptials of Pirate Dave and LED - particularly in the karaoke vows scene
  
  
• One’s ongoing stressful tussles with printers
  
  
• Farewelling Piggy with BestFriendSincePrep, Uncle Col and various other high school alumni
  
  
• The second annual hosting of Mt Disappointment at StumpyRudolph's since it restarted - it seems this is becoming an annual event much like The Tales
  
  
• One’s becoming a permanent fixture at the new workplace after three and one half years living on the crumbs of rolling contracts
  
  
• Further stressful tussles with printers
  
  
• The addition of Harvey to our family after a years wait on the production of this new hybrid wonder.
  
  
• An annual visit down South to My Guitarist
  
  
• A dodgy knee issue of One’s resolved by this new thing called an exercise regime
  
  
• Catching up with Mr Gates after some 30 odd years
  
  
• The continuing saga of stressful printer tussles
  
  
• The stressful journey to a Magpies premiership
  
  
• A bout of shingles brought on by unknown stress factors
  
  
• Freeloading Mum celebrating her 80th milestone
  
  
• Attending the NYE fireworks (early version) in the city with Hulk and Salsa Girl
  
  
• Yet another holiday week on the Berm
  
  
• A busy work schedule with new libraries, major upgrades, and, of course, printers
  
  
• Handy Dad miraculous coming out of a fall through the patio roof with naught but a few scratches and bruises, and maybe some lessons learned about capabilities of older gentlemen on ladders, and roofs. Maybe.
  
  
• Sportsball season starting again far too soon.
  
  
• New varieties of stressful printer tussles

So there you have it, the foundation for the restart of regular Tales posting. Only time will tell if One will be able to maintain this punishing ambitious annual publication schedule.

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My Guitarist Joins the Club

Well, it's been a long time between drinks and it's also been a long time between drinks.

Both of these shortfalls shall be rectified by this report on One's recent attendance at My Guitarist's "joining the club" soiree (or, as Hulk predicted it, "Boring, just Adults standing around talking and drinking").

Of course, in true tradition of The Tales, "recent" in this case means nigh on a week.

There are those that may claim it would take one that long to recover from one's imbibing a single high strength honeycomb stout, but they have no proof.

Anyway, after a quickish zoom Southwards (that's zoom in the old-fashioned speed sense) one arrived at said event to have a great catch up and natter with the assorted cast. My Guitarist of course, Redneck Ben, Duff (with The Tumbling Trio in tow) and other assorted uni guitarists and associates. Fridgepower, Judge Mingus, and The Keyboardist showed up shortly after oneself as well for a real getting the band back together feel.

One cannot fault an event with friends, free food and crumbiliscious honeycomb stout, other than for not happening on a weekly schedule.

Whilst literally zooming home one's thoughts - other than those on the miraculous performance of one's sportsball team one was listening to on the radio - were on one's hopes to not have to wait quite so long for the next catch-up with My Guitarist et al.
As it turns out One had forgotten about the curse of halfway parties.

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Jam with My Guitarist

So this past Saturday myself and Hulk made the trek down south to visit My Guitarist and, theoretically, have some musical interaction.

The journey down was quite pleasant as Hulk and I grooved along to the sounds of Justine Clarke and marvelled together at tunnels and freeway art.

Upon arrival we were both whisked into a hospitality and catch up zone. The kids were a mini-maelstrom of activity around us. Activities soon became lunch and then further activities until we almost drifted into the Coach Harris territory of "Oh sh*t we forgot to practice".

Luckily we did get ourselves organised and had a bit of a play.
However our musical sounds evidenced a pied piper effect and we were soon joined/deposed by children, various.
Much back and forth snippets of playing happened over the next span of time and the itch to play together was soothed but not quite satisfied.

All in all a good catch up, and one to be repeated in the near future One thinks.
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Sad/Happy Gatherings and Travels with My Kat

So, a Caution, as serious as The Tales usually is, this post will dial up the seriousness a touch.


Friday last was the sad/happy occasion of a life celebration for Soph who had happily won and then shockingly suddenly lost her medical battles of the past half year.

The celebration itself was a fitting recollection of the life Soph had lived and highlighted the legacy of strength and community that she created for Duff and The Tumbling Trio with nothing more than her vibrant and friendly personality.

Vale Soph.



The occasion also meant that One was reacquainted with many from the intersecting social groups that Soph was a part of and that one has passing connections with - well maybe not the Cheer leading, although I do have a different 2nd degree of separation into the cheer scene so it may well have happened.

The gathering also allowed a long overdue catch-up with My Guitarist, as well as Doom, The Fungi Lady, Amoeba, and a smattering of others of the LURG persuasion.



The journey to and fro was in the esteemed company of Miasmakat and included much bonding activity - mostly of the conversational kind rather than the imbibing ridiculous quantities of booze and committing foolhardy activities like jumping off bridges kind.

We covered many conversational gambits including planning the next six months of roleplaying game, current life events, impacts and impressions of the celebration itself, how every other car on the road was driven by an a-hole, how a half hour of travel took exactly zero minutes off our travel time as we returned to Melbourne traffic, and so on. One is suspicious of some grand conspiracy though, having uncovered in said conversations the conspiratorial connection and path-crossing back to the nineties via Subgenious - one of the many bands that grew out of the thriving Latrobe uni music scene.
One presumes MatrixMan was playing some super-long long-game when he pointed Miasmakat at the gaming group nigh on a score of years ago.
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A Tale of Four Parties

Well, except one of them was a gaming event - but I am not one to let facts stand in the way of a blog entry.
And in any case, said gaming event did involve more drinking than one of the parties!


The celebrating kicked off on an unknown day with a Grand Final watching extravaganza. The event was hosted by The Wiggs and was only a short drive from work - and therefore long drive from home.
The day involved no less than three costume changes from yours truly as beginning the party in one's Collingwood jumper was against the rules of MrRogers and The Electric Tiger; and then one's lesser-of-two-evils coloured attire seemed rather pointless after, oh, 10 minutes or so of footy.

Lack of exciting footy action did allow one to have a catchup talk with Mrs BestFriendSincePrep and also indulge ones fondness for snacks.



The very next day saw another long drive to the vicinity of work. This one was in order to attend a milestone soirée for Supervisor Grand Chief K.

The event marked Hulk's introduction to high society as she, and Salsa Girl, fit perfectly into the Spring Racing garden party theme - oneself also fit perfectly into the sub-theme of car park.

Along the way to being shown the finer points of Croquet by Hulk - just hitting the nearest ball is apparently how one does it properly - one was able to pass pleasantries with the likes of Devil's Advocate (or should that be Devils ), The Administrator and Sonja Roster Queen.



One's third party was the regular all staff training day of which all I can bear to bring myself to mention is the provision of merely adequate amounts of food. Oh Mr Prada why to you torture me so!



Gaming Sunday, being the final of  the parties, began with Hulk's first board game - The Little Mole Who Knew it was none of his Business - big thanks My Guitarist for the poo-themed book, game, and plush mole bundle.
Gaming partying continued with a plethora of games and attendees - Legion2, Pirate Dave, Amoeba, and Miasmakat finally putting in an appearance after 15 years on the invite list - all of us dosed with lashings of the finest whiskey.


All in all a grand series of good times - and a jolly good reason for not posting anything for a month or more.
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It was 20 years ago today...

That sergeant Tuck and the band had their final play...

Yes that's right dear readers - the Malaclypse III final gig was a score of years ago.

Mal 3 was one's 7 piece ensemble from uni days that after several glorious years was broke asunder by musical differences.

One's co-conspirators in the band were: Tuck, Leader Robin, Judge Mingus, FridgePower, My Guitarist, and Saxxy J.


So enjoy a small pictorial return to those heady days of alternative funk rock n jazz fusion punk.

Not the Final Gig, but close.

One powering through the Final Gig.

The Final Crowd.

The Final Set List

And remember:

We're bicycle bad guys, we've got blood on our minds.....

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Getting the Band Back Together

So this deferred Australia Day Holiday saw My Guitarist host a barbecue at his Southerly residence to which much of the band was invited. Of course FridgePower and Judge Mingus come as a package deal these days so it was a tad easier to get the band members various on site, however, sadly, illness (and not musical differences as reported in the papers) prevented the appearance of LittleBigGirl.

In typical drumming fashion oneself - with Salsa Girl and Hulk in tow - did not arrive until the second verse but then immediately guided the rhythm of the remainder of the afternoon as the rest of the band followed my lead and gathered around my anchoring presence - it had nothing to do with my entrancing them all with Hulk's bountiful cuteness, I swear.

Typically most of the younger generation ignored my rock star presence, not to the Scary Uncle Phill levels of the past mind you, but you would think that  I would warrant more than a cursory hello from Thumper and Ball Boy seeing as I was apparently their second-favourite person in the world.

Still as they say, in the world of rock and roll, fame is fleeting.
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The Sidekick Search

Those who have known me for a while will be aware of my alter ego spawned during the heady days of Malaclypse III in the company of the likes of FridgePower, Judge Mingus, My Guitarist, Tuck, and other assorted musos - Testosterone Man - possibly related to fervent pounding of drums and other rugged and manly pursuits.

In any case the lack of a sidekick has held me/him back in all endeavours for many a decade.

I have tried many avenues to protégée procurement:

• trials of Rhythm Section equals - Judge Mingus did not last long before soloing off on his own
• grow your own - knocked on the head by Salsa Girl as Hulk is apparently too young to be cruising the streets fighting crime
• recruitment - alas, while an awesome gaming addition, Young Jim, has proven rather reluctant on the whole smashing things to bits front. (and what's more he has a tendency to betrayal as evidenced by a 3 nil thrashing he once handed out to me while in league with Badger)
• pleading with Supervisor Grand Chief K for the necessary help in getting all my work demons defeated - repeatedly scoffed at and uncomprehendingly disbelieved about the amount of effort required to make librarians happy on the IT front

However recently the stars seem to have aligned. Not only have I managed to finally rid the library of the scourge of marketing for once and all, but the resulting employment gap has been deigned to be filled with an IT Sidekick!

Supervisor Grand Chief K did, however, make sure it was not all puppies and roses for me as she dropped the responsibility for the "Recruitment Process" into my lap. Hence I have been up to my neck in SeekSpam and resume reading for weeks now. Culminating in a day of interviews in which I had to suffer through Devil's Advocate always offering the other point of view, and other various moments of me not getting my whim. Honestly I don't know what I was thinking putting together that interview panel.

Still we are very close now and it shouldn't be long before I can strut out at work with a sidekick by my side (and slightly behind).

Of course we are local government so not long is probably next Autumn.
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... The Long, Long, Long, Long, Long Week

So one of our branches was undergoing a re-carpeting and installation of a new circulation desk this week.

You would think that there would be no need for an IT Man to be on site at the beginning of such an enterprise - let alone for a 6am start.

But you would be wrong.

You would also be wrong if you thought that the first day would be the only day where such an esteemed personage would be required extra early as the second day also required such supervision.

And if you also thought that early starts would entail early finishes, thereby maintaining some sort of balance then you would be wrong once more.

You would be at your wrongest if you thought the three day quote which became four and then stretched into five once the job began would not impact on the time and opportunity to restore one branch-ful of IT equipment to it's correct places and in perfect working order.

There were, however, some good things about this week that lasted forever.

• I had fellow sufferers in the form of Sonja Roster Queen and Big J.

• I was able to muscle in on many a morning tea and cakes and the final pizza lunch. All under the pretence that I'd been working all that time that I'd been present at the library.

• I received an immense amount of help from Ms Magpie in the last afternoon which helped shave hours off the time I had to stay behind with naught but cleaners for company. Without her contribution I'm sure I would have seen midnight and beyond.

• I was far too tired at Wednesday night roleplaying to notice the maliciousness with which The Viking Hat GM disposed of my character (ironically a Viking) in his latest game. Instead I attributed it to fatigue marring my judgement.

• I had the perfect excuse for a long, long, long, long, long sleep-in this morning

In other news I have had my flowing locks pared back as part of the tarting up one must do before partaking in a Libraryland conference such as the one I shall be attending next week.
It also allows me to look my best when I am off away down South tomorrow with Redneck Ben on a drive of over an hour to attend the christening of My Guitarist's spawn.

You would be wrong if you thought this event would happen at an acceptable hour rather than 8.30am on a Sunday.
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... The Weeks of Too Much Work

Computer upgrades and crashes and so on have been claiming all my time recently - not that Supervisor Grand Chief K will recognise my effort and reward it with the suitable level of tickertape parade - so don't expect much in the way of updates until the new financial year.

I did pop down to see My Guitarist's new addition on the weekend with Redneck Ben which did end up taking most of the day but provided a most welcome break from all things computery.
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... The Ends of the Earth

(Skye actually)

Yesterday Redneck Ben and I saddled up and made the great journey down south to visit My Guitarist and partner to marvel at her enormous baby bump.
My initial concerns were alleviated when our late afternoon arrival was still in time for lunch (one of the reasons we arrived late was my attendance at a BBQ lunch at MatrixMan's which also included ElfBoy and various spawn of those attending).
Luckily the shock of my annual visit didn't trigger any early labour so we were able to have a comfortable chat and far too much dinner before zooming home at a late hour.

It was a good way to top off the shortened post-Easter working week - even though I felt like I had achieved quite a lot in those scant four days, partly thanks to Devil's Advocate ordering everyone else to ignore me so I could finish things off (I will have to try that again sometime as it was blessedly peaceful and conducive to productivity).
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... My Guitarist's Anniversary

Saturday last I took a trip down Eastlink, aka sculpture lane, to visit My Guitarist and his wife to celebrate their upcoming 5 year anniversary and his impending aging.
I was the only non-family member so it was a little odd being there with their in-laws but they're all okay. In any case the free lunch was a delicious roast and My Guitarist provided copious hand carved beer.

On the long drive home I listened to the footy to hear the Pies beat the Swans and realise that my long-held dream of being able to wear my Collingwood jumper to work Monday morning and get a rise out of Big J was close to fruition.

Sunday was the first gaming Sunday for quite a while and the highlight was definitely ElfBoy coming along for some gaming with the three-week old Elflet strapped to his front.

Monday night's gaming saw The Viking Hat GM get his way and the game was changed to the one he wanted to run. (Unlike every other gaming related post this one should excite Supervisor Grand Chief K no end as the new game is heavily influenced by Spooks.)

Yesterday provided some lovely cake courtesy of Groovy Spirits before an afternoon RFID meeting had me running late for the final session of my Tuesday Night Judge Dredd game.

Today was a day of niggling little job after niggling little help request and I am quite glad to see the back of it. Honestly I don't know why people turn to me for all their IT help...

... Poker, Simpsons and Father's Day

After a day back home at Sandy branch on FridayI headed off to a poker night at Micko's. Most of the usual card night gang were there: BestFriendSincePrep, StumpyRudolph, Legion2, Gavman, and Bradley. We had some great games of Chase-the-Ace with our own variation on the rules and a late game of poker.

Trying to sleep in the next day to recover was a bit difficult with the Tiger jumping on me all the time and then strange phone calls from crazy Italian people and Sister Serials having issues at Hampton. In any case I had to be up for a visit from My Guitarist who was this side of town collecting some ebay winnings. We had a good catch up and I found out that Redneck Ben is getting married next weekend.

In the afternoon I finally used one of my awards for being the best person in the library and saw the Simpson's Movie at the local. It was good but not great and I didn't think it pushed the boundaries beyond what could be done on TV as much as I'd been led to believe. After the film GavMan came by for some Space Hulk action.

Today was the gathering of the Legion for Handy Dad's day Lunch followed by general blobbing around at home in preparation for the long hard week ahead.