Swine Fever by Andrew Cartmel

This book is the last of the books that Fantomas gave me for my birthday last year.

I have finally gotten around to reading it and one can only conclude that Fantomas bears some huge grudge against me - despite his claims that he is not responsible for what is purchased with his voucher, as what else could he have expected me to get?

Now, allow me to don my Nerd-Rage hat as I review this one star title for you all.

The plot summary is that Judge Dredd solves a case involving the illegal selling of pork made form intelligent mutant pigs in Mega-City. Except he doesn't really, as he is hardly in the story at all, the main character of the novel being a young Psi-Judge. That part is not so bad as Dredd is really just a framing device for the crazy happenings of Mega-City One and I can understand it being hard to centre the story around him.

However it didn't take long for the warning bells to go off in one's head as most of the incidental details of the story completely avoid any attempt at following the 30 odd years of Dredd continuity.

Here's a rundown of some of them:

• cadet Judges having their own apartment instead of senior judges only
• said apartment being stocked with illegal alcohol taken from a crime scene - and no fear shown by the cadet judge when Dredd comes to visit
• all but two of the Judges we meet are incompetent buffoons despite their 15 years of training, most are physically unfit being overweight or sickly
• an unending stream of flatulence jokes about one of the Judges - said flatulence being caused by all the fast food he eats
• said fast food being purchased from vending machines in Justice Department, using money that the Judges have - in the comic the Judges are not paid and eat for free at justice Department.
• "net rounds" for the lawgiver when standard cling nets would have sufficed for the story (double whammy is now my second most hated ammo type), other new rounds other than the standard 6 also appeared at various points
• pork being legalised when many other harmful substances are banned for the peoples own good - even synthi versions are sometimes banned for still being harmful
• a complete absence of the Justice Department surveillance system
• ending with a Justice department picnic

When one discussed several of these points with Badger a week or so ago he informed me that the author, Mr Cartmel, had overseen the last three seasons of the original run of Dr Who before it was cancelled. Not having watched those series I can only guess that the good doctors continuity was also completely ignored in favour of whatever Mr Cartmel wanted to do.



Thankfully my next read shall be a recommendation from ElfBoy.
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An Unexpected Party

This weekend past was supposed to be a grand celebration of the significant birthday of Salsa Girl. However our eponymous heroine had the misfortune to become quite ill in the afternoon before her fabulous '20s murder mystery party was to commence.

With family arriving from interstate we cancelled the main event and ended up with an impromptu family event at our humble abode - the small group partaking of cheese, crackers, wine and pizza while the the birthday girl soldiered on through her suffering.

The next day there was further misfortune as Salsa Girl recovered enough for is to be able to attend her birthday treat matinee of the girly musical Love Never Dies at the Regent Thee-ator. One may have enjoyed the production with it's stage wizardry but one would never endanger one's rugged and manly reputation by admitting so.
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The Face of Battle by John Keegan

This recommended read came to me via The Maple Maverick who enthused at length about it before stuffing it into one's hands.

It is a non-fiction account of three historic battles, Agincourt, Waterloo, and the Somme, which - once one gets past the lengthy "what is military history" introduction - delves into the psychology of the participants in a quite interesting way. Rather eye-opening if one has taken movies and more strategic focused military histories to be an insight into the battles themselves.
I rate it at three and a half stars - worth a read if you are interested in the subject matter.
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Stepping Ahead

Well the global corporate challenge finished in the middle of last week and yours truly managed to end it all in a winning position.

You see I was able to complete the challenge, in true Millenium Falcon style, by using less steps than anyone else in my team.
I am currently awaiting for my accolades to commence.


In other stepping news Saturday afternoon saw The Great Sandro and Legion2 at one's domicile for some good old-fashioned lounge room footy watching. We all had a great time watching the mighty pies go one step closer to the Grand Final.


One's Sunday was spent with the likes of Fantomas, Gavman, Pirate Dave, and DragonMim, in the clutches of The Bastard as we took the first steps in his new Pathfinder roleplaying game campaign. He appears to have lulled them all into a false sense of security by making it a fun time but I, knowing better, have my eye on him and am ready to strike at the first sign of shenanigans.
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The Training Incident

So last week one was, as has become somewhat usual lately, making one's commute home by the conveyance of the public locomotive system.

As the carriages pulled in at one of the stops a couple of young people boarded - one of them conspicuously carrying a banjo. They settled into seats quite close to me and it was not long before the gentle strains of banjo plucking began to grace one's journey (in a wholly un-deliverance like manner I hasten to point out).

A few stops later a woman, several seats further away from the player than I, stood to exit and enlightened the whole carriage in the field of Australian train etiquette with the following diatribe:

"Hey, you shouldn't be playing that in here, this is Australia we don't allow busking on the train, our trains are a place for everyone to be quiet. You shouldn't be playing that in here"

As she was stepping onto the platform she could be heard advising the embarking passengers:

"Tell that man to stop playing with his banjo. It's not right, we don't do that sort of thing in Australia ...m.m..m..m..m.m.m.m.m.m."

So, as I haven't given you one in a while, here's a Caution: do not pluck a musical instrument on an Australian train lest your un-Australian attitude be exposed to all and sundry.


Needless to say I am now fully informed and shall never be caught playing banjo on public transport, ever.
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